Friday, November 6, 2009

Mysteries of the animal kingdom!

As the bearded brethren and their misguided trade union membership march the streets of Dublin this afternoon I write to distract, entertain and perhaps even inform. I could fill the blogosphere with an angry tirade against the self-serving greed of the Trade Union Leaders who negotiated improbable pay rises for their members every year under the social partnership. I could echo the analysis of every economist that pay cuts are needed now to rebalance an overheated economy. I could opine that our inflated scale of wages, cost of energy and cost of consumer goods will all fall by deflation if prices and business costs could only start to fall now in balanced equitable fashion. But better political minds than mine have analysed the empty treasure chest of Irelands credit plunder to reach the same conclusions.
I have begun this October an MA in Communications in DCU which I am finding deeply rewarding and diverse after a decade in the trenches of animal health care. A colourful, bohemian and bearded Professor of journalism whose lectures I attend said that angry little epistles belong on the blogosphere but facts speak for themselves. I will let the economic facts speak then and may the rain spill on the marchers! Forearmed in future with formal communications skills I hope to maintain the upper hand in jousts with Clem Ryan on my Friday morning KFM VetSlot. This afternoon I would like to cover questions we didnt get to answer this morning and, with apologies to dear frankie, answers I would love to give- but cant- on air;
Mary from Coill Dubh has a sheepdog with an itchy ear and is wondering what Des would suggest-
Well Mary I would suggest you bring the poor dog to a Vet. Contrary to popular belief these things dont get better being watched. Otodectes Cyanotis or ear mites left untreated can render your dog deafer than a snoozing monsignor, more lobsided than a PPP negotiation and with bigger cauliflower ears than Paul OConnell.

Pauline in Nurney has a goldfish that seems to be turning white and she is wondering what is wrong with him?
Pauline, your goldfish is faced with an identity crisis more serious than a Towers man who togs out for Ellistown and a questioning of his raison d'etre on a par with that of the Moorefield man who crosses town to Sarsfields.Clearly a Goldfish needs to be golden. Jacksonesque colour-change is as good a reason as any to visit your local struggling Vet.

Ann in Kildare's son wants pet mice and she is wondering are they difficult to look after?
Ann! Yes they are difficult to look after, never more so than when they make a break for freedom and discover the cosy sanctuary of your back kitchen. Send your son up to me for a few saturdays to figure out what type of pet he really wants.

Margaret just had a baby and her terrier that she has for about five years seems to be very jealous and is always trying to jump up on her when she's holding the baby and keeps barking at the baby. What can she do?
Margaret, Your terrier is deeply psychotic and determined to check out just how closely baby flesh resembles the taste of chicken. Your terrier invisages a baby free resumption of the status quo where he will have you to himself again under the assumption that eaten baby is soon forgotten. Your dog is five plus. Professional dog trainers can teach old dogs new tricks- but you havent a chance of doing so. Its gonna be either the terrier or the baby- not exactly a dilemma of Solomon-like proportions.

Remember folks- your pet is a member of the family- but not a human member!

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